I'll admit it.
I'm lonely.
Whatever.

Day and night
I toss and turn,
I keep stressing my mind
I look for peace but see I don't attain
What I need for keeps,
This silly game we play
Now look at this
Madness to magnet keeps attracting me
I try to run but see I'm not that fast
I think I'm first but surely finish last

Work, drink, sleep, get fat.

Excuse me, is you sayin' something?
Uh-uh you can't tell me NOTHIN'

I feel the old anger stirring. Persistent fluttering wings of hatred. It seems light just deepens the shadow in my heart. I will be destructive and selfish until the day I die.

Now I know that darkness comes from light.
Thus, let the light shine.

People won't believe me,
They'll think that I'm just braggin'
But I could feel the way I do
And still be on the wagon

I'm pissed. Two of Tyler's "friends" (who shall remain nameless) told him last night to "watch out when Elie gets out of jail" because he's obviously going to try to sleep with me? Yeah, because I'm a huge hooker and would do that to Tyler. What the fuck is that shit? PISSED.

+ Finding a new job. Starting part-time next week at Avanti Salon on Newbury St.

+ Putting drama and bullshit behind and moving forward.

+ Gettin' pierced and maybe even tattooed soon.

- Debt up to my eyeballs.

- Pooping yellowish gray? Need to see a doctor.

Drinking and watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Life is boring, but not bad.

Dear everyone,
I miss you. Let's hang out before I start work.
Love, Rachel

The new apartment is really sweet. I got offered a job at a salon on Newbury St. Things really couldn't be better. Let's party this weekend and celebrate! Call me.

Bad insomnia lately. Maybe it's because I'm stressed out about job stuff, maybe it's because I'm excited about moving tomorrow, or maybe it's just because they're playing Halo really loudly in the next room until at least 4 am every night.

I need to stick to my diet. And I mean completely stick to it. I miss ice cream already. I also need to start a yoga routine. I feel like I have so much to do. So why am I always bored?

I wish I was 21 already. Goddamn. Although I seem to be content drinking a rum and coke in my room by myself right now. I'm not feeling too social with my current (only till Friday thank god) roommates. Dave flipped out on Tyler today about us moving. It was a bunch of bullshit. And I hate bullshit.

I dunno how we're gonna move. Might rent a U-haul? Anyone done this before? I'm stressing out about it because I want out of here asap. My new apartment is so much nicer.

Still no job. Borrowing money from my father soon. Ugh. Fail.

Stressssss

We found an apartment. Me, Tyler, and Panda are going to be living together in JP, near the Forest Hills area. Tyler and I are starting to move in next Friday. It's not gonna be a party zone, but come stop by for a drink with me to celebrate next weekend! I'm so excited! Finally I'll be able to live in a place that I can comfortably call home. What a relief.

Now I just need to figure out how I can come up with rent. Uh oh.

I'm sick as hell. Stuck in bed with a bad UTI and a kidney infection. I'm so tired of fucking cranberry juice and saltines. Seriously.
 

* Drink less (never gonna happen)
* Get a job (ha!)
* Lose some weight, fatty.

FUCK IT
NEW TO DO LIST:

* Party hard

THE END

I haven't had a night like this in a while. One where my brain is running to fast to sleep. Thinking of things like: Why hasn't Elie written me in months? Why do I still not have a job? Why am I so miserable?

Fuck everything. I feel a backslide coming but I don't know what to do to stop it.

Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

* Drink less.
* Avoid carbs, like the doctor says.
* Walk. Get some exercise.
* Take my goddamn meds and vitamins every single morning.
* Get a job.

Sigh. This sucks.
But I got my hair did and it looks rad.
And there's a sweet show tomorrow.
I just hope I don't feel like shit like I have every day the past week.

Deep breaths.

Can I just complain for a second? Every single time I have food, someone else in the apartment gets drunk and eats it. Bullshit. I hate boys.
Still no job. I got enough money to carry me for a while, but talk about stress.

Should I go platinum, or a brighter red? I also plan on growing it out and bringing back the mohawk. Oh yes.