Bad insomnia lately. Maybe it's because I'm stressed out about job stuff, maybe it's because I'm excited about moving tomorrow, or maybe it's just because they're playing Halo really loudly in the next room until at least 4 am every night.

I need to stick to my diet. And I mean completely stick to it. I miss ice cream already. I also need to start a yoga routine. I feel like I have so much to do. So why am I always bored?

I wish I was 21 already. Goddamn. Although I seem to be content drinking a rum and coke in my room by myself right now. I'm not feeling too social with my current (only till Friday thank god) roommates. Dave flipped out on Tyler today about us moving. It was a bunch of bullshit. And I hate bullshit.

I dunno how we're gonna move. Might rent a U-haul? Anyone done this before? I'm stressing out about it because I want out of here asap. My new apartment is so much nicer.

Still no job. Borrowing money from my father soon. Ugh. Fail.

Stressssss

We found an apartment. Me, Tyler, and Panda are going to be living together in JP, near the Forest Hills area. Tyler and I are starting to move in next Friday. It's not gonna be a party zone, but come stop by for a drink with me to celebrate next weekend! I'm so excited! Finally I'll be able to live in a place that I can comfortably call home. What a relief.

Now I just need to figure out how I can come up with rent. Uh oh.

I'm sick as hell. Stuck in bed with a bad UTI and a kidney infection. I'm so tired of fucking cranberry juice and saltines. Seriously.
 

* Drink less (never gonna happen)
* Get a job (ha!)
* Lose some weight, fatty.

FUCK IT
NEW TO DO LIST:

* Party hard

THE END

I haven't had a night like this in a while. One where my brain is running to fast to sleep. Thinking of things like: Why hasn't Elie written me in months? Why do I still not have a job? Why am I so miserable?

Fuck everything. I feel a backslide coming but I don't know what to do to stop it.

Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

* Drink less.
* Avoid carbs, like the doctor says.
* Walk. Get some exercise.
* Take my goddamn meds and vitamins every single morning.
* Get a job.

Sigh. This sucks.
But I got my hair did and it looks rad.
And there's a sweet show tomorrow.
I just hope I don't feel like shit like I have every day the past week.

Deep breaths.

Can I just complain for a second? Every single time I have food, someone else in the apartment gets drunk and eats it. Bullshit. I hate boys.
Still no job. I got enough money to carry me for a while, but talk about stress.

Should I go platinum, or a brighter red? I also plan on growing it out and bringing back the mohawk. Oh yes.

I totally just woke up and I'm drinking a mimosa. Life is so good. Let's hang out, idiots!

I can't sleep. When I finally do, I have ridiculous nightmares of things like zombies and car crashes, My jaw kills from clenching it 24/7. Stress much? Christ.

This hangover is really kicking my ass. I got drunk and left my purse at the practice space last night. Way to go, Rachel. Genius.
Someone come over. Bring me crackers and vitamin water. Ugh.

Saturday is my birthday. 

On the bright side, my new and wonderful boyfriend is coming up to NH right now. I'm crazy about him. At least I got one good thing going for me.

NOTE THE RATTAIL

Tired as shit. Worked 12 hour shifts Friday and yesterday. Had a decent weekend though. Besides it all blowing up in everyone's faces at the end. I'm sorry, she's sorry, you should be sorry too rather than avoiding me. Fucking shit. I blame myself though. I knew it was coming. My middle name should be idiot.

They say he drinks like a fish and he gon' fly like a stone. Boy is better off left alone.

I feel like I have no friends left. Everyone hates me and I don't even know why. People are telling me I don't deserve to be Elie's friend because I treat him like shit, when NO ONE should judge others friendships. They lie to me, they keep information from me, they won't even give me the things Elie wanted me to have. They say I tried to come between him and his girlfriend, when I gave him tips for dates and encouraged him to date her because I thought she was a good person for him. I have never been anything but nice to these people. I don't understand. All I want to do is help Elie, but I've become the "bad guy" and I don't even know why. I love Elie. He is my best friend, my FAMILY. But everyone seems to think I don't matter to him at all. I've been busting my ass at my new job so I can have money to put on the phone so I can talk to him, but that doesn't seem to count to anyone. I'm doing everything I can. It's hard enough to keep myself together when my best friend and one of my biggest supports is gone. I can't take all this stress. All I want is for everyone to leave me alone and let me see Elie.

I FINALLY found a job. Doing data entry for $11 hr. I start Monday. Woo! Let's see how long this actually lasts. Me working full time? Uh oh.

I miss my Elie so much. I'm so lonely.